By Farina King
Today more than any other day, I have been inspired to write this blog post about being a wife and mother in graduate school. I have been thinking of the millions of things that I could write. After my experiences today, the “Super Woman Perplex” came to the fore. I have been called a “Super Woman” for being a mother and graduate student at the same time. I am not condemning the people who have meant to compliment me, but I want to unpack such exchanges and my perspective of them.
Basically, the “Super Woman Perplex” refers to how mothers and family women in graduate school are considered “super women” in comparison to fathers and family men in graduate school who are often considered no different than other graduate students. The graduate student mother must aspire to be a “Super Woman,” because she must possess some extraordinary powers to “have it all” as a mother and aspiring professional, especially in the cutthroat world of academic competition. Graduate students have described their work experiences as “indentured servitude,” exerting dogged efforts towards that evasive “freedom” of an academic tenure-track career. They must be set for academic careers, which demand publications, teaching, mentoring, and community service among many other things.
For female graduate students to decide to have children is very daunting. I am speaking from my experiences as a history doctoral candidate who married and started a family young. I had my first child while working on my M.A. thesis in Wisconsin. I had my second son while teaching as a history adjunct instructor in Utah, and I just had my third child (my first daughter) during my last semester of doctoral coursework here at ASU.
Why and how did I choose to be a “Super Woman” as some people have called me? For me, it is always a question of priorities. Before becoming pregnant, I also felt confident in my health and body to support me while being a graduate student and having children. I also knew and trusted my support networks, including my husband who has sacrificed much and demonstrated faith in me as a scholar. I prioritize having and being a part of families, which stems from my values, beliefs, and identity. I was taught that if you place your priorities (major passions and driving forces) first in your life, all the other things would fall into place, as they should. Today was an example of that teaching for me.
Unexpectedly, I received negative response from an article that I submitted for publication. The reviewers assure me of the “promise” and “potential contribution” of the article, but they demand a lot of revisions by an upcoming, looming deadline. I was unprepared for such responses. I felt shattered, and that I was a failure. My spouse and children could sense my gloom. My four-year-old son asked me, “How can I help?” He and my two-year-old son started cheering for me, “Go, Mommy! Go, Mommy!” My husband then showed me the clip from “Batman Begins” with the following exchange between Alfred and Bruce Wayne:
Bruce Wayne: I wanted to save Gotham. I failed.
Alfred Pennyworth: Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.
Bruce Wayne: You still haven’t given up on me?
Alfred Pennyworth: Never.
By the end of the clip, I was in tears and hugged my spouse and children. In that embrace, I knew that I would never be a failure. I would always have them, the inspirations of my life. I also knew that Batman was never alone, and no Super Woman is ever alone either. In many ways, the Super Woman image is only a mirage, because like most heroes, the super women “stand on the shoulders of giants” and are supported by teams of heroes including little children.
Bilagáanaa niliigo’ dóó Kinyaa’áanii yásh’chíín. Bilagáanaa dabicheii dóó Tsinaajinii dabinálí. Ákót’éego diné asdzá̹á̹ nilí̹. Farina King is “Bilagáanaa” (Euro-American), born for “Kinyaa’áanii” (the Towering House Clan) of the Diné (Navajo). Her maternal grandfather was Euro-American, and her paternal grandfather was “Tsinaajinii” (Black-streaked Woods People Clan) of the Diné. In this way, she is a Navajo woman. She is a doctoral candidate in the U.S. History Ph.D. program at Arizona State University. She received her M.A. in African History from the University of Wisconsin and a B.A. from Brigham Young University with a double major in History and French Studies. King has written and presented about indigenous Mormon experiences in the twentieth century, drawing from some interviews that she conducted for the LDS Native American Oral History Project at BYU. Her doctoral research traces the changes in Navajo educational experiences through the twentieth century. King is also a dedicated wife and mother, with three children and stud muffin husband.
Today more than any other day, I have been inspired to write this blog post about being a wife and mother in graduate school. I have been thinking of the millions of things that I could write. After my experiences today, the “Super Woman Perplex” came to the fore. I have been called a “Super Woman” for being a mother and graduate student at the same time. I am not condemning the people who have meant to compliment me, but I want to unpack such exchanges and my perspective of them.
Basically, the “Super Woman Perplex” refers to how mothers and family women in graduate school are considered “super women” in comparison to fathers and family men in graduate school who are often considered no different than other graduate students. The graduate student mother must aspire to be a “Super Woman,” because she must possess some extraordinary powers to “have it all” as a mother and aspiring professional, especially in the cutthroat world of academic competition. Graduate students have described their work experiences as “indentured servitude,” exerting dogged efforts towards that evasive “freedom” of an academic tenure-track career. They must be set for academic careers, which demand publications, teaching, mentoring, and community service among many other things.
For female graduate students to decide to have children is very daunting. I am speaking from my experiences as a history doctoral candidate who married and started a family young. I had my first child while working on my M.A. thesis in Wisconsin. I had my second son while teaching as a history adjunct instructor in Utah, and I just had my third child (my first daughter) during my last semester of doctoral coursework here at ASU.
Why and how did I choose to be a “Super Woman” as some people have called me? For me, it is always a question of priorities. Before becoming pregnant, I also felt confident in my health and body to support me while being a graduate student and having children. I also knew and trusted my support networks, including my husband who has sacrificed much and demonstrated faith in me as a scholar. I prioritize having and being a part of families, which stems from my values, beliefs, and identity. I was taught that if you place your priorities (major passions and driving forces) first in your life, all the other things would fall into place, as they should. Today was an example of that teaching for me.
Unexpectedly, I received negative response from an article that I submitted for publication. The reviewers assure me of the “promise” and “potential contribution” of the article, but they demand a lot of revisions by an upcoming, looming deadline. I was unprepared for such responses. I felt shattered, and that I was a failure. My spouse and children could sense my gloom. My four-year-old son asked me, “How can I help?” He and my two-year-old son started cheering for me, “Go, Mommy! Go, Mommy!” My husband then showed me the clip from “Batman Begins” with the following exchange between Alfred and Bruce Wayne:
Bruce Wayne: I wanted to save Gotham. I failed.
Alfred Pennyworth: Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.
Bruce Wayne: You still haven’t given up on me?
Alfred Pennyworth: Never.
By the end of the clip, I was in tears and hugged my spouse and children. In that embrace, I knew that I would never be a failure. I would always have them, the inspirations of my life. I also knew that Batman was never alone, and no Super Woman is ever alone either. In many ways, the Super Woman image is only a mirage, because like most heroes, the super women “stand on the shoulders of giants” and are supported by teams of heroes including little children.
Bilagáanaa niliigo’ dóó Kinyaa’áanii yásh’chíín. Bilagáanaa dabicheii dóó Tsinaajinii dabinálí. Ákót’éego diné asdzá̹á̹ nilí̹. Farina King is “Bilagáanaa” (Euro-American), born for “Kinyaa’áanii” (the Towering House Clan) of the Diné (Navajo). Her maternal grandfather was Euro-American, and her paternal grandfather was “Tsinaajinii” (Black-streaked Woods People Clan) of the Diné. In this way, she is a Navajo woman. She is a doctoral candidate in the U.S. History Ph.D. program at Arizona State University. She received her M.A. in African History from the University of Wisconsin and a B.A. from Brigham Young University with a double major in History and French Studies. King has written and presented about indigenous Mormon experiences in the twentieth century, drawing from some interviews that she conducted for the LDS Native American Oral History Project at BYU. Her doctoral research traces the changes in Navajo educational experiences through the twentieth century. King is also a dedicated wife and mother, with three children and stud muffin husband.